I used to have an intimate, abusive relationship with limitations.
To the point where the conversation with self was non-existent and limitation would dominate any moment of reflection.
To the point where I didn’t know myself. Ignoring the inner voice (truth) and allowing limiting beliefs to steamroll the thought bubbles and suffocate them with the Almighty Fears of the What If…
To the point where I couldn’t consider concepts free from this toxic thought pattern.
Thoughts like: You won’t make money that way. What will people I know think? People I don’t? What if they don’t like it? You’re not capable – you’ve never even done that before. That’s stupid. No one will care. Someone’s already thought of that and probably does it better than you ever could. Would that sell? Would that be received?
What if nobody likes it?
What the hell is that though? What does that line of questioning really mean? And why would I downplay my creation, diminish my essence and thus limit my experience to these baseless claims?
These claims that felt so heavy and true in the moment but when I put any critical thought into… were just simply fucking inaccurate.
I began questioning. Questioning everything, really. I got to a point that began the understanding that I need to dig deeper. To understand myself, to understand the world around me – I cannot run away.
I cannot fail to face the rain when the storm comes.
I was questioning WHY I was having these thoughts. Finally, right? Questioning why the conversation ended there. Did I really believe these claims? Did I truly underestimate my power and ability this whole time?
I was claiming the doubt and perception of failure as my own self, like I knew the outcome would be the way I feared. Crazy, really.
I think we all go through this, in multiple facets of our lives. Fear dictates more than we give credit (thoughts, too…I digress)
Let me clarify, though – fear is not all bad.
I’m growing through the relationship with my fear on a regular basis and what I’ve learned is this: it is there to protect us, offer light to possible scenarios, but it is not there to dictate. That is, unless we decide that fear in fact will serve as a punctuation mark, the ending of a conversation that’s totally worth having.
Why choose that though? Is that any way to live?
Is that how you want to live? IS that living?
Does fear jeopardize your authentic moments? And do you believe every fear is there to halt you or encourage thought to weigh out other possibilities? Which do you choose? Does it depend?
Sometimes a redirection can save us, sometimes it can be the better path or even introduce a path not yet pondered. But rarely should it ever stop us in our tracks.
Fear can easily chameleon as truth.
That is what fear was for me without even realizing. After several traumatic circumstances and chapters coming to a close that I had no bargain in, I’ve come to realize that throughout most of my life I learned to stick to what is safe. To survive.
And when that’s the case, its hard to see what’s muddied by limiting beliefs vs what’s actually dangerous – to physical or psyche. And when you begin to live that way regularly, it’s easy to dub that voice or ‘concern’ as the be-all end-all. But I’ll tell ya what – that inner limitation is not the boss.
The relationship I have with limitation is ever-changing into a more constructive, balanced conversation where I recognize the abrasiveness that was before was only because I wasn’t digging into the why. Survival mode.
I work at it daily – hourly – in about every aspect of my life because once this mental indoctrination is recognized, it’s damn near impossible to ignore. Then begins the slow process backward in unearthing what’s been concealed as truth, revealing the truth to you.
🪷
The creation of Goddess on Gaia came uncharacteristically naturally. Like, insanely more organically than I’m used to.
Again, it took me several attempts, a number of years and a degree later to get to this moment – but that is 100% because I allowed the limitations to take control of the conversation before I allowed my Self to weigh in.
Simply put, I transitioned from “you cannot do this” to “how will we get this done” Cue: Goddess on Gaia
There’s been this air of confidence and level of trust that I’m growing more familiar with as I embark on this new journey.
For the first time, I feel on time.
A major change that I’ve brought to this moment is not jumping to box myself into certain categories and instead getting comfortable with being. Not classifying my business or preferred medium and choosing authenticity by going with the flow, seeing what comes to me.
Recognizing that wholeness in self is all that matters when I approach my work and the rest will follow.
It was then that the answers to the questions I’ve asked for so long came to me.
Right to me. Down to what materials to use. It’s beautiful, really. To watch something come together so effortlessly when it once resembled an obstruction to happiness, an optical illusion.
I believe wholeheartedly that the clarity I feel is attributed to falling within myself. Choosing not to ask fear the questions… the questions I’ve withheld from Self for so long. Not relying on others’ input or possible failure scenarios to provide context to the conversation.
Asking myself. Communicating with self. Celebrating self.
Leaning in. Giving myself the reigns. Realizing it was within me all along, if only I’d give her a chance.
