we want our men to be softer but we rarely give them permission to be
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i thought about this on my drive in to work after gifting my partner flowers for valentine’s day. his response to my minute gesture helped seal a grander perspective of something i’ve been near sighted on but thinking a lot about.
how sometimes, at least in my past and through observation, we ask for softness and tenderness from our boyfriends/spouses but it’s in times of heightened emotion which can muddy the intention and end goal – growing closer together.
desperation can alter the message – the way it’s conveyed easily becomes more obstructive and less honest when the messenger, too, feels unsafe. a no brainer but still saying it, the way one communicates needs correlates with how they’ll be met.
i write this with compassion for the masculine.
what about granting them a moment of softness?
instead of requesting, what if we exemplified?
if there’s any shame, there’s no room for healing. if a request for softness feels more like a demand, it shuts off the potential of the experience.
consider this: what if it’s the first time he’s felt allowed? softness was not a prerequisite for ‘becoming a man’
if we shame for not knowing how, there will never be an openness to try.
if we give our men the absolute space to be seen, to feel, to be heard, then a softness will naturally occur.
softness is an equivalence to safety.
happy valentine’s day
